Related/unrelated?

Yesterday was awful.
I had an unexpected and stressful event at 3am, which disrupted my sleep and left me drained and miserable at 5:30 when my alarm went off.
All day at work I felt out of it and exhausted. I had a weird thing happen. During a bad headache, I stood up to make my way to the washroom and then felt a bit of a head rush. Then, when I was sitting on the toilet (for a pee), I saw what could only be described as "stars" in my vision. They almost looked like little fireflies. They moved and left a little "tail" like mini-comets, maybe lasting half a second. They were bright white. I had no pain, other than the existing headache, and these "stars" only lasted about 30 seconds.
They were pretty, but what the fuck?
Did I have a stroke or something?
The headache went away and I haven't seen anything else since. I don't know if this was a Pristiq withdrawal thing, or just parts of my brain dying off.... Sighs.

Anyhow, after that bizarre stuff, I continued to have a day where almost everything went "wrong". I tried to take a step back and be mindful, but it just wasn't happening. I was incredibly irritable and burst into tears when I got home. The evening went a bit better. I took half an Ativan at 7:30 pm and was asleep by 9:30.
This morning, things are decidedly better than they were yesterday.

Going off Pristiq - end of week 2 @ 75 mg

It's been 2 weeks at 75 mg of Pristiq (1.5 x 50mg pills) and so far it hasn't been too bad. I was expecting worse, given my experiences with accidentally missing or late doses of Pristiq. I've been making notes when I can about what I'm feeling and these seem to be the most noticeable issues so far:

- Headaches! Not full out migraines, but moderately painful headaches. More than normal, I think I had at least one a day. Headaches often affected one side of my head, left or right, or right at the front above my eyes. Most of the time, two ibuprofen helped it enough to go on with my day.

- Exhaustion. I've been very tired. It could be the remnants of my chest infection.

- "Cognitive" issues. I don't know how to explain it, but it's almost like a foggy feeling, in my head. I feel slow. I can still get things done, but I feel like it takes me longer and takes more effort. Sometimes I can't remember if I've said things out loud, or just in my head.

So that's it. I've notice that I get more headachy as I near the evening hours when I'm due for my pills. Other than that, it's not too bad. So far. Knock on wood.
I have another appointment with my Dr this week, so we'll see how he thinks we should proceed.

Pristiq Side Effects

As mentioned before, I started Pristiq in the Fall of 2009. My doctor had suggested that I take it, since I had had a fairly good experience with Effexor. However, I'd had a lot of side effects from Effexor, and the doctor said most of his patients had fewer side effects with Pristiq.
Luckily, I've had fewer side effects too.
There were some that bothered me though, and I'll explain them here.


Increased perspiration - Ugh, sweat. It isn't as bad as when I was on Effexor. Effexor was awful for sweating. It didn't matter if I was exerting myself or just sitting on the couch watching tv, I'd be sweating like crazy. It got to the point where I'd wear men's antiperspirant, because the women's stuff didn't work. And it's not like you just sweat under your arms. Since going on Pristiq, it's not AS terrible, but I still notice it. 


Drowsiness - I'm constantly tired. I felt this on Effexor too. I can almost always nap. Even in the mornings, I rarely feel "rested" when I wake up. 


Weight Gain - Since I started Pristiq, I've gained more than 20 lbs. I don't know if it's entirely an effect of Pristiq, since I've always had weight issues, but the weight did come on quickly. 


Bloating & cramping & diarrhea - Shortly after starting Pristiq, I started getting a lot of bloating and cramping in my lower digestive system. It isn't in my stomach, it's lower down. I also started having a lot more diarrhea too. I've had several tests and nothing comes up with a reason for the cramping and diarrhea. It's disruptive and I've missed a lot of work because of it. This is one of the main reasons I want to go off Pristiq and see if it makes any difference. The list of potential side effects generally given with Pristiq doesn't really include anything like this.

Decreased libido - I have no sex drive whatsoever. It's GONE. I can still orgasm if I try, but I have no desire to try. I feel like a robot. It's been so long that I don't remember what it's like to be turned on. 


All that to feel happy, eh?
That's it for now. I'll add more as I think of them. 

Going off Pristiq

***Please Note: I'm not a doctor. I'm not dispensing medical advice. This is just what is happening in my own case. Please discuss your concerns with your own doctor and do not take this blog as professional medical advice.***

I've been on Pristiq, starting at the 50mg dose, and later at the 100mg dose, for over 3 years. At first, I was excited about the idea of fewer side effects than Effexor, which I had been on for at least 2 years previously. I had a lot of side effects with Effexor, but I had felt it was an improvement over the meds I was on before. And Pristiq did work, for a year or so. It helped me when I started a new job. It helped take the edge off a bit socially. Now, I don't know.

I'm not in a deep depression, but I've definitely been better. Better, even while being on Pristiq. I'm on a higher dosage now than what clinical trials found beneficial. Also, I've been experiencing some gastrointestinal problems that started a month or so after upping the dose of Pristiq to 100mg. There are other reasons, such as the complete and utter lack of a sex drive, and the weight gain (20lbs+) I experienced. I'll expand on the side effects in a separate post.
The short of it - I'm going to reduce my daily dose of Pristiq, with the intent of going off it completely.

If you know Pristiq, or its precursor, Effexor, you'll know that they've got a reputation of being difficult to "discontinue". Hopefully, a doctor pointed this out to you. I knew that they had this reputation from my own research. My doctor didn't bring it up when he initially put me on it. I had to ask. He tried to play it down, saying different people react differently - which is true, obviously - but I haven't heard of people having a great time going off Effexor or Pristiq. He said the pill is helpful, in his experience, and we can cross the "withdrawal" bridge when we come to it. Fair enough. I still think HE should have mentioned it. I'm sure people don't get on these drugs with full knowledge of their side effects and potential drawbacks. I digress - I knew what I was getting into when I started taking it. At least up until this point, I don't regret going on Pristiq (or Effexor.)

So, my doctor and I discussed it at my last appointment, and I'm starting to decrease my daily dose. I've spent a week and a few days on 75 mg, after years of being at 100mg. I take one whole 50mg pill, with another 50mg pill cut in half. It is difficult to cut Pristiq, because it's not meant to be cut, but I haven't had too much trouble doing it. I had mentioned to my pharmacist that I'm decreasing my dose, and she gave me a big speech about how I shouldn't cut the pills. I'm glad she cares, at least. I know it's not advised. My doctor knows I am doing it, in fact, it was his idea.

Last week I was so sick with a chest infection that i don't know if I experienced any withdrawal symptoms. I certainly felt like crap, but who knows where it originated. Could have been the infection, the antibiotics, or Pristiq withdrawal. I'm still not 100%, but I'm back at work and a bit more lucid. I guess we'll see what happens as the chest infection subsides.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't on some combination of psych meds... possibly, early 2003. It's been a long time.

Drive by post

I'm writing this from an app on my phone. I've never tried it before, do hopefully this works.

I am still sick.

I took another day off and I'm grumpy about that. I'm trying to just relax and let this thing pass, but I keep thinking about the time I'm wasting being sick. I feel this need to be productive all the time. I don't know where it comes from, but I don't think it's very helpful in the long run.

Phlegm Party

I'm so sick right now.
Yesterday, I had a scratchy throat and a bit of a cough.
This morning, I woke up with a fever, with body aches, head aches, and a wicked cough. My chest hurts like crazy, and I'm coughing up gross stuff.
I took the day off work. I hate doing that. I don't have many sick days left, and it seems like people never take time off at my work. I work with a lot of people in law enforcement, and I already feel weak/second-class around them due to that whole "blue wall" thing. I'm civilian. I feel like I'm weak, or not dedicated, or something like that. I have a few chronic health issues, which I'll eventually discuss here, and I need sick time for appointments and tests. When I actually get sick randomly, like I am now, it makes me feel like I'm almost wasting my sick time. Which is stupid, because that's what this time is for.
Eventually it will get to the point where I'm taking unpaid days, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I've done that with other jobs.

Anyhow. Hopefully this illness will sort itself out.

Bits

I'm in my late 20s.
I was born female and identify as a woman.
I'm Canadian. I've lived in Ontario all my life.
I live with a good guy (who I'll refer to here as my SO), a dog, and a cat.
I have a graduate degree.
I have worked full-time since I got out of university.

I fell apart when I was 13. I spent time in a psychiatric hospital, where I was diagnosed bipolar a month before I turned 14.

Since my diagnosis, I have only spent about 2 years without being on some sort of antidepressant or mood stabilizer.

While I don't give medication much credit for any success I've had in life, I believe it has helped at times.

Part of my motivation for starting this blog was to document my work coming off antidepressants, hopefully for the rest of my days.